Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
It’s in the inching forward of time—the constant checking, the imminent gauging, the impending lump growing larger in your stomach. You think in terms of “how-much-longer-do-I-have-until-“ and nothing else. The world becomes hot and burns you. Your body rebels against you. You feel sick but unable to become sick. Becoming “actual” sick would make the excuses easier.
It’s a waging war between self and mind and body and crazy. You think about harming yourself, and you don’t know why. You curl up as tight as possible to escape the bigness and smallness of the room. If you close in far enough, maybe time and space will evaporate and you will just be surrounded by peace.
When you open your eyes, you realize things are still closing in. Everything in the room seems out of order and disgusting. Immediately, you know you have to clean everything. And so you start, frantically cleaning and clearing away and de-cluttering. But you don’t finish – no, you never finish – because the task is still just too big for you. It’s too overwhelming. So you’ll stop midway, making room for inadequacy to re-settle.
And then you see your husband, and you feel shame. Shame because you can’t be everything you want to be for him. Shame because the harsh reality is that you let him down again. You made him angry; you deserted him. Shame cloaks you and you try to make it up for him, feeling like a fool because you know you just can’t. And so you clean, and you cook, and you dote, hoping that maybe he will see all that you are doing and maybe think you’re somewhat of an okay-wife.
Irrational fears haunt you—trying to convince you that you’ll never really be a full woman. Maybe your house won’t ever be perfect. Maybe you won’t ever have the energy to care for everyone and everything. Maybe you won’t ever be perfect.
And that’s the point.
But you know what? HE won’t either.
No one will.
And you were made for wholeness, but sin has fragmented that wholeness, and that’s why you accepted Christ.
Because you can’t. And it’s not up to you to do.
And so you thankfully give in to this reality – this truth – and let go of the lies,
and praise God for the freedom
to walk and live and breathe in Truth.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
- He loves me. Fully. The way He made me to be - extra-sensitive, artsy, and all.
- He wants me to be free of the ways I tell myself He doesn't love me - the ways I haven't loved myself; I'm too self-critical of my body, my studying/attention in meetings, and my issues with anxiety.
- I need to let things go.
- And I received a special word from Him tonight when I was lying down, listening to the worship band singing, "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus." He distinctly said, "Rachel. Stop fighting me."
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I am concerned about what we are teaching, and what we are being taught.
I am concerned with how easily we accept and digest fluff.
We are consuming empty calories, friends.
This morning, we attended a Presbyterian church down the road from where we are staying this summer. The sermon preached was lacking, to say the least. To sum up, the basic gist of the Reverend’s message was as follows:
I’m pretty sure my eyes were visibly squinty and my head crocked to the side. He gave the congregation short, yummy bites of good things, but no meal.
Now let’s just say I’m an average congregant. I attend church on Sunday, which is where I receive most of my Biblical teaching for the week. What does this message say to me? How does it become incarnated in my life?
I wonder how many people today were asking these questions. I sincerely hope they were, because they are legitimate questions to ask.
One of our teachers for New Staff Training, Jerry, told us a story about his encounter with a Starbucks barista. The barista asked Jerry what he was reading, and Jerry (a pastor) answered that he was preparing for his sermon next Sunday. The barista said something like, “Oh, the Bible. I can’t really get into an ancient book that tells me what I can and can’t do.” Jerry replied, “The Bible isn’t about what we can and can’t do. It’s God’s revelation to us about who He is.”
I’m there with the Reverend about how Christianity is MORE than “the law.” We’ve been taught that again and again. But if we are to live a life of freedom in the Spirit, we need to know what the Lord wants. We need to have a clear understanding of the revelation of the scriptures, and how we fit into the Biblical narrative. We need to spend time truly seeking the Lord with our whole hearts, asking God how we might be transformed to see his Kingdom on earth.
Yes!, the Christian life is a free life. But as we learn more about God through our study of the Bible, our prayer is that our desires will line up with those of Christ Jesus. And how do we know when we are in line with the Spirit? Our actions and desires must reflect the teaching of the Bible and our Lord.
And as we read the Bible, friends, I would caution us all against the habit of reading to “get something out” of scripture for ourselves. Let’s remember that the scripture is God’s story to the world, and we are currently a part of that story. As we read, let us keep in mind that our charge is to bring glimpses of the glorious restoration of ALL in His Kingdom to a fallen world. What has been started will be completed in the coming of Christ.