Wednesday, March 9, 2011

When God Says Yes

It's only 1:30 in the afternoon, and already I feel exhausted enough to turn in for the rest of the day. A little baby twirls around in my body, reminding me of why the tiredness and nausea is worth it.

But I want to cry. I find myself despairing. All I want to do is go home and go to sleep, but instead the rest of the day is filled with meetings, homework, and class. Plus, I have a major 45-minute teaching presentation at 7:30 that night.

Did I mention I want to cry?

I think I let a couple tears well up before I softly lay my hands on my stomach, sink into some Brooke Fraser on my iPod, and pray. "Alright, God. You promise strength when we are weak. I'm very weak right now. If I can make it to the presentation and pull it off, I know it will be you working through me. I can't take the credit today."

In reality, I can't take the credit any day. But pregnancy is a constant reminder that I am completely and utterly reliant on the Lord. Every. Single. Moment.

Somehow I muster through until 7:30, and right before my presentation, something clicks. One classmate even mentions a minute before my partner and I start: "Rachel is totally in the zone." Yeah. I guess I am. Somehow.

And the presentation not only goes phenomenally well -- I not only have an amazing amount of energy -- but God even gives me a moment of clarity -- an epiphany.

All of a sudden, it dawns on me: "I'm legitimately teaching right now. I am teaching my class something they've never known before, and I don't even care about the subject. But I love it. I love teaching. This is what I love doing."

I have never had that moment before with teaching. I've had it while acting, I've had it when teaching drama, I've had it when singing. I've never, ever had it while "merely" teaching. I praise God for this moment, because I've been going through, getting my Master's in Education, constantly wondering if I could really do this.

And last night, in my weakest moment, God gave me a resounding YES.

1 comment:

  1. I think I cried more during pregnancy than ever hahaha. so I feel for your emotions there, beautiful woman of God. It is amazing how dependent we are on Christ in general! I guess since you are carrying a child while being God's child makes sense for why of course you are even more dependent on Him.

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